Understanding and Overcoming Shame After a Bipolar Manic Episode
For many people with bipolar 1 disorder, the aftermath of a manic episode is often accompanied by intense feelings of shame and guilt. During mania, you might do things that seem irrational or impulsive—things that you wouldn’t normally do. You might spend too much money, say things you later regret, or even act in ways that hurt the people you care about. When the mania ends and you find yourself in a depressive state, all of these actions can come crashing down, leaving you with a heavy burden of shame. In this post, we’re going to talk about why this happens, how it affects recovery, and what you can do to overcome these feelings.
Why Mania Often Leads to Shame
Manic episodes can be intense and exhilarating. They’re often characterized by heightened energy, decreased need for sleep, racing thoughts, and impulsive behaviors. In the moment, these behaviors might feel exciting, freeing, or even like a much-needed break from the weight of depression. But when the mania ends, it’s common to feel overwhelmed by regret and shame about the things you did.
Here are a few reasons why people often feel shame after a manic episode:
1. Impulsive Behavior
Mania often leads to impulsive behavior, like overspending, engaging in risky sexual activities, or making decisions without considering the consequences. Once the episode ends, you may be left to deal with the financial, emotional, or social fallout of these actions, which can lead to intense feelings of shame.
2. Broken Relationships
Mania can sometimes lead to behaviors that strain or even break relationships. You might say hurtful things, make unrealistic promises, or act in ways that confuse or alienate the people around you. When the episode is over, the realization of how your actions have affected your loved ones can be incredibly painful.
3. Loss of Control
One of the hardest parts of experiencing a manic episode is the sense that you weren’t fully in control of your actions. This loss of control can be frightening, and it’s often hard to reconcile the person you are during mania with the person you are when you’re stable. This disconnect can lead to feelings of shame and embarrassment.
How Shame Affects Recovery
Shame is a powerful emotion, and it can significantly impact your bipolar recovery. When you’re caught in a cycle of shame, it can be difficult to move forward. You might feel undeserving of support, struggle to forgive yourself, or even isolate yourself from the people who care about you. All of these things can make it harder to stick to a treatment plan, engage in therapy, or ask for help when you need it.
The truth is, shame can become a barrier to recovery. It can keep you stuck in a negative cycle, preventing you from taking the steps you need to heal and move forward. Understanding how to work through these feelings is an important part of managing bipolar disorder and finding stability.
Strategies for Overcoming Shame
Overcoming shame after a manic episode isn’t easy, but it is possible. Here are some strategies that can help:
1. Practice Self-Compassion
One of the most important things you can do is practice self-compassion. Remember that bipolar disorder is a medical condition, and the behaviors that happen during mania are not a reflection of your true character. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend who was struggling. Remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can with the challenges you’re facing.
2. Apologize Where Appropriate
If your actions during mania hurt someone you care about, offering a sincere apology can be an important step in moving forward. Acknowledge what happened, express genuine remorse, and let them know you’re committed to managing your condition. Keep in mind that some people may need time to process what happened, and that’s okay. What matters most is that you’re taking responsibility for your actions and trying to make things right.
3. Talk About It
Shame thrives in silence, so talking about what you’re feeling can be incredibly helpful. Find someone you trust—a therapist, a friend, or a support group—and share what you’re going through. You might be surprised at how much lighter the burden feels once you let it out. Talking about your experiences can also help you process what happened and gain a new perspective.
4. Challenge Negative Thoughts
Shame often comes with a lot of negative self-talk. You might tell yourself that you’re a bad person, that you’ll never get better, or that you don’t deserve love and support. These thoughts are not true, and they only serve to keep you stuck. Try to challenge these thoughts when they come up. Remind yourself that bipolar disorder is an illness, and that your actions during mania were a result of the condition—not a reflection of who you are as a person.
5. Work With a Therapist
A therapist can help you work through feelings of shame and develop healthier ways of coping. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), in particular, can be helpful for challenging the negative thoughts that fuel shame. A therapist can also help you identify triggers, develop coping strategies, and create a plan for managing future manic episodes in a healthier way.
6. Reconnect With Your Values
One way to overcome shame is to reconnect with the values that are important to you. During mania, you may have acted in ways that are out of line with your values, and this disconnect can lead to feelings of shame. By identifying what matters most to you—whether it’s kindness, honesty, creativity, or something else—you can start to take small steps towards living in alignment with those values again. This process can help you rebuild your sense of self and move forward.
Supporting a Loved One Through Shame
If you’re supporting someone who is dealing with shame after a manic episode, there are a few things you can do to help:
- Listen Without Judgment: Let your loved one talk about their feelings without offering advice or judgment. Just being there and listening can make a big difference.
- Reassure Them: Remind your loved one that they are not their illness, and that their actions during mania were a result of their condition—not a reflection of their true self.
- Encourage Professional Help: Encourage your loved one to seek help from a therapist or counselor. Professional support can be incredibly helpful in working through feelings of shame and finding healthier ways to cope.
Conclusion
Feeling shame after a manic episode is a common experience for people with bipolar disorder, but it doesn’t have to define you. By practicing self-compassion, challenging negative thoughts, and seeking support, it’s possible to work through these feelings and move forward. Remember, bipolar disorder is a medical condition, and the things that happen during mania are not a reflection of who you are. You deserve kindness, understanding, and the chance to heal. With time, patience, and support, you can overcome the shame and continue on your journey towards stability and well-being.